3 Views for Embracing "Both/And" in our Global Pandemic

Wow again!  As change seems to accelerate and our state of Washington is now in "Shelter in Place" status, it continues to include challenges and opportunities for all of us.  me and for every single leader, colleague, friend and family member I talk to/interact with.  Our collective resilience will depend on our ability to hold the "both/and" in our experience and not be seduced into the "either/or" "right/wrong" mentality.  We are both challenged, AND invited to see the opportunities.  We are invited, and I would suggest compelled, to move to see all perspectives and honor each other in how we are processing and managing.

Now more than ever binary thinking will separate and harm.  If I need to be right and therefore make another
wrong it pulls us apart.  If I need to give you my advice/try to "fix" what is happening for you or the choices you are making, you are less likely to hear me or feel cared for by me.  We must help each other find our own ways
to manage through this and affirm and acknowledge our collective resourcefulness.

As I reflect on the both/and I have felt and seen over the last week, following are some of the challenges and
opportunities observed:

Challenges.

As the stress levels rise our "triggers" are more easily activated and the default stress responses kick in.   It is also true from a neuroscience perspective that it takes more brain resource to have to change the habituated patterns we have created.  This means that being taken out of our patterns takes more
mental energy.

The challenge of awareness…

This morning on a call with a leader group, one shared his awareness of snapping back at a colleague in a companion business.  It sounded to me like a well-meaning "fixer" who was offering his advice, and it wasn't well received.  During these times all of us want/need to find our own resourcefulness and resilience.  I never want to be "fixed" by another.  I mostly want to feel heard and understood.  The good news was this leader was aware of his response and chose to re-orient.

The challenge of distraction…

The two parents on the call spoke of the amplified distractions with kids coming in to the space while two at-home workers were trying to accomplish their work with no child care.  Without our normal structures, and even without kids for me, it seems easier to distract into news or random online virtual attractions that take me away from a feeling of accomplishing the tasks that feel more meaningful to me. 

The challenge of isolation…

Yesterday I talked to a friend who is quite extroverted and feeling the "cabin fever" of being confined to work at home. On our call one of the leaders talked about missing the physical meetings.  My introvert clients are finding peacefulness in this isolation.  As someone who considers myself an "ambivert" I do miss the in-person connections.

Opportunities.

This feels to me like a really rich time to change some habits that are the defaults as I am consciously considering "who" I am and how I want to be serving/showing up in this.  It is a forced "reset" to the patterns and structures that have become habituated.  That means I need to examine what I want to keep and what I want to shift to align with my top values of service, relationship and growth.

The opportunity of awareness…

I am aware that relationships matter most.  I need to feel connected and loved most especially during a time of global crisis.  I have been "walking and talking" on the phone with most important people in my life.  It is one of the many blessings I have heard and observed.  In this morning's call someone shared that they are grateful for more interactions with family of origin siblings.  I have seen the same and it brings tears to my eyes that in my own family an estranged sister reached out and there has been some forgiveness.

The opportunity in distraction…

With newly imposed structures we are required to rethink and replace old habits.  I am learning about building/nurturing relationships virtually, and thinking more and more about how I will build new
behaviors that align with who I want to be.  My orientation is to fill my schedule with outside meetings and
commitments.  This new focus causes me to re-orient and really work on things like drinking "more tea and less wine", meditating more, and attending to some of those projects that I never get to with all the movement--like renovating the "graces and wishes" space that was getting dilapidated from neglect, and cleaning off my office desk.

The opportunity of isolation…

So much to consider in this one!  We hosted Sunday Family Dinner virtually, a virtual happy hour to celebrate a "re-retirement" for a friend, and another friend initiated a zoom birthday celebration.  I love seeing how people are getting creative.  Yesterday as we walked (socially distant), my daughter and I saw people outside a Sr Living facility wishing Happy 65th Wedding Anniversary. It was a gift to join in the shouted greetings from afar.  I have also found the blessings in all the online resources--as a coach colleague shared--the virtual world is not susceptible to COVID-19.

Some links to virtual resources that you may find useful…

Yale's most popular happiness course

Oprah & Deepak's Free 21 Meditation Series--Hope in Uncertain Times

Brene Brown's new podcast series--Unlocking Us

What are the challenges and opportunities you are seeing/feeling?

As I sit here holding the "both/and" in these challenges and opportunities it is my intention to lean toward the opportunities.

How are you moving toward some new ways that are generative and life giving?

.& Deepak's Free 21 Meditation Series--Hope in Uncertain Times

Yale's
most popular happiness course links to virtual resources

that you may find useful…

So much to consider in this
one!  We hosted Sunday Family Dinner virtually, a virtual happy hour to
celebrate a "re-retirement" for a friend, and another friend
initiated a zoom birthday celebration.  I love seeing how people are
getting creative.  Yesterday as we walked (socially distant), my daughter
and I saw people outside a Sr Living facility wishing Happy 65th Wedding
Anniversary.  It was a gift to join in the shouted greetings from
afar.  I have also found the blessings in all the online resources--as a
coach colleague shared--the virtual world is not susceptible to COVID-19.

The opportunity of isolation…

With newly imposed structures we
are required to rethink and replace old habits.  I am learning about
building/nurturing relationships virtually, and thinking more and more about
how I will build new behaviors that align with who I want to be.  My
orientation is to fill my schedule with outside meetings and commitments. 
This new focus causes me to re-orient and really work on things like drinking
"more tea and less wine", meditating more, and attending to some of
those projects that I never get to with all the movement--like renovating the
"graces and wishes" space that was getting dilapidated from neglect,
and cleaning off my office desk.

The opportunity in distraction…

I am aware that relationships
matter most.  I need to feel connected and loved most especially during a
time of global crisis.  I have been "walking and talking" on the
phone with most important people in my life.  It is one of the many
blessings I have heard and observed.  In this morning's call someone
shared that they are grateful for more interactions with family of origin
siblings.  I have seen the same and it brings tears to my eyes that in my
own family an estranged sister reached out and there has been some forgiveness.

The opportunity of awareness…

This feels to me like a really rich
time to change some habits that are the defaults as I am consciously
considering "who" I am and how I want to be serving/showing up in
this.  It is a forced "reset" to the patterns and structures
that have become habituated.  That means I need to examine what I want to
keep and what I want to shift to align with my top values of service,
relationship and growth.

Opportunities.

Challenges.